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- Dating in New Jersey: An Overview
Dating
Image: iStock/Drazen Zigic With just over one in four of its adult population categorized by the US Census Bureau as “single” (never married, divorced, or widowed), New Jersey ranks as the fifth highest state in its percentage of singles. Understandably, the most single cities in New Jersey are also some of the largest and youngest, such as Jersey City, Hoboken, Newark and Camden. The Hudson waterfront cities have particularly become known for their vibrant singles communities gathering at local bars and restaurants, with many singles likely drawn to locate in New Jersey to find more affordable housing and other amenities than across the Hudson. Hudson County also has the youngest median age at 36.1 years old of the state’s 21 counties, compared to 40.4 years statewide and 39 years for the nation, according to census data for 2022. In a survey of the best New Jersey cities for singles posted by the website HomeSnacks.com, the Hudson waterfront municipalities of Edgewater, Hoboken, Palisades Park and West New York took the top four places; other cities and towns with high numbers of singles include Asbury Park, Red Bank, Hackensack and Trenton. Obviously, college towns like Princeton and New Brunswick also boast high numbers of singles, not only among their student bodies but also from the presence of younger faculty, staff and others who are attracted to residing in towns with lively academic, cultural and social communities. During warmer months, the Jersey Shore also continues to play its historic role (at times profiled, for better or worse, to global television audiences on shows such as “Jersey Shore” featuring hard-partying singles) as a site for relationships ranging from casual hook-ups to more long-term coupling. In contrast, suburban communities tend to have lower proportions of singles as partners marry and seek out more space, schools and amenities to raise families. On first dates, some counselors suggest opening with a warm, personal observation to set a positive tone, perhaps by complimenting a smile, laugh or clothing. As conversation starters, comfortable topics include interest in pets, travel, entertainment, food and hobbies. Subjects to avoid are politics, religion, income and past relationships, which obviously later will come up if the relationship continues beyond a first date. Other advice is to maintain eye contact and listen actively to expand on the other’s responses with questions and comments further exploring their views to build off what they say. Despite the growth of online dating tools, finding a romantic match still often relies on fix-ups suggested by friends, family or work associates. Concerns over the potential risks of online dating of strangers also have led to renewed interest in matches with those already vetted to some extent by mutual contacts. Relationship counselors advise that fix-ups may be more likely to result in a compatible match when friends or contacts have a good understanding of one’s interests and values in looking for a potential partner. If the proposed fix-up results in arranging a date, it’s suggested that the first meeting may be safer as a casual and low-pressure meetup, such as coffee, brunch, or a walk in a local park which allow for easy conversation and less pressure than a longer get-together such as a formal dinner. Regardless of how the date goes, expressing gratitude to whomever set up or suggested the date is an important gesture to strengthen that relationship and thank the contact for the opportunity to meet someone new.
Matchmaking resources and contacts include:
Images: maddhatter.com (left) and NewJerseyAlmanac.com Those who lack contacts for suggesting personal fix-ups or resist paying for dating help may be forced to take steps to reach out on their own, with singles bars remaining as a popular meeting place for date-seekers. But again, the decision to go to a bar requires an effort which may be uncomfortable for some reluctant to take the initiative to start chats with strangers, which obviously can result in damaged egos from serial rebuffs. Suggestions by dating counselors to make a positive first impression at a singles bar include feeling confident in one’s appearance by dressing appropriately for the type of bar and people it attracts; being open and approachable through smiling and making eye contact with others; avoiding frequent looks at a phone or otherwise appearing disinterested; initiating conversations with friendly small talk on simple, non-invasive topics such as by asking about drink choices or commenting on the music playing; and showing genuine interest in what the other person is saying through comments and follow-up questions. Some New Jersey bars which attract numbers of singles include:
For those seeking alternatives or supplements to singles bars, there are a range of less pressured ways to look for new connections through groups targeting singles in varying ways such as through shared hobbies and interests or mixers, happy hours, and dances. A few groups with a broader membership also occasionally sponsor single-focused events or outings or try to attract singles with shared interests, with some organized on a regional or local level. A few with larger statewide or regional members include:
According to a Pew Research Center survey conducted in July 2022, just over half of adults under 30 have used a dating site or app at some point, but online usage falls sharply among older singles, with only 13% of those 65 and older saying they have used online dating platforms. Tinder was ranked in the survey as the most popular site, with some 46% of online dating users saying they had used it at some point, followed by about three-in-ten who had used Match (31%) or Bumble (28%). Popular sites include:
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